thoughts about what makes a good gift

30 Jan, 2026

As I’m drafting this, we’ve just passed the holiday season; from it, I have some general thoughts about what makes a good gift. While these reflections aren’t exhaustive, they may offer a helpful starting point for future gift-giving occasions.

Let us consider the characteristics of the ideal gift. Most chiefly, it must be personal. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to pull out the crinkle-cut scissors and cardstock (unless that’s your thing). It does mean that what you’re giving must be specific to them—whether that’s a photograph that they’re in, a reference to a shared memory, or simply an item that they have directly expressed desire for. Here’s a quick heuristic: if it could reasonably be something you might have previously received and are now regifting, try again.

Equally important is for the gift to be unexpected. This doesn’t have to be elaborate—it could simply mean giving something they didn’t expect to receive (the slightest thoughtful wrinkle will suffice) or presenting it at an unexpected moment. Surprise signals that you’ve been paying attention beyond what the gift receiver realized. It signals that you’ve noticed something about them they hadn’t consciously broadcasted. It’s the difference between “I saw this and thought of you” and “I’m giving you this to pay an obligation.”¹ I hope the difference is apparent.

Following these prerequisites, many good gifts fulfill additional conditions. While not strictly necessary, these traits appear frequently in memorable gifts. First, many good gifts are useful items that will be used regularly or that address some ongoing inconvenience the recipient has been tolerating. Second, many good gifts are expensive. This may be controversial, but I’ve observed that people often want pricey items they would never buy for themselves. When you give such a gift, it naturally satisfies both prerequisites: it’s personal (you knew they wanted it but wouldn’t splurge) and unexpected (they’d resigned themselves to never owning it).

On a final note, I’d like to turn my thoughts to what ultimately ties many gifts together. I’ve focused on the mechanics of a good gift and while that is helpful, I think it’s vital to stress that the greatest component of a gift is what it represents between the gift giver and receiver.² A good gift communicates that the recipient matters to you, that they’re worth the effort. The object itself is secondary; what you're really giving is proof that you see them clearly and care enough to show it. You may disregard my mechanical ramblings but never forget this intrinsic quality behind all gifts.